Seriously, ask a bird.
You may have heard, too, about things happening in threes. Those of you who wantonly step on sidewalk cracks probably dismiss this idea as Neanderthal superstition. And yet, we have three new hires, all planting their flags in AT soil at the same time. Makes one think.
Standing in the batter’s box, and bringing big lumber, is Melinda Rhoden. Are you unemployed? Melinda will process your claim. Are you having a Charlie Sheen, “Who am I?” moment from Wall Street? Melinda does lay counseling. Do you need to know the future perfect forms of the word “flay” in Polish? Good luck with that. (But if you need it in Spanish, boom, Melinda has you covered.)
Also, one time she ate a duck fetus.
On deck is Hannah Close. Yes, her first name is a palindrome. Yes, her last name is a noun, a verb, an adjective, and an adverb. But that's not the most interesting stuff about her. She trained in dance for 12 years. Her favorite sport is duck football. (Editor’s note: Fact-checkers, are we sure she didn’t say “Duck football,” as in Oregon Ducks? Please confirm.) She consumes a steady diet of tacos, pizza, and Ben & Jerry’s, which has us asking, “What does she eat on her cheat days?” And now: a man, a plan, a canal…Hannah!
In the hole is Kevin Soliz. “Soliz” is a Spanish word that means, “one who manages health care risks.” Yes, it’s a crazy coincidence, but a happy one for us. Kevin’s favorite food is pearl jam, and his favorite band is Chicken Parmesan. (Editor’s note: Fact-checkers, are we sure this is correct? Please confirm.) He enjoys both football and basketball, and is working up a nice, Carlinesque routine on the difference between the two. Finally, he’s been to Chile, but when he lets his vacation imagination run wild, it runs all the way to New Zealand. We’re with you, Kevin. (Or we’d like to be, anyway.)