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For Human Resources, There is no Summer

July 10, 2017

 We made five new hires in June and July. Let’s not waste any time getting you acquainted.

First up, Sedona Greer. She recently joined our healthcare team. And no, her middle name is not Tombstone.

Sedona’s childhood in Scottsdale was typical: eating pizza, watching “Elf,” papering her walls with Michael Bublé posters.

And yet, she always nurtured a grandiose dream—a dream vacation, to be specific. A vacation in a place where the streets are paved with over-tempered chocolate. Where the timepieces are as painstakingly crafted as a Twish. Where the knives make a Leatherman look like a spork. Where the national cheese is pocked like the fairway at a muni course. Where the gun policy bears a striking resemblance to America’s, but the foreign policy doesn’t.

Yes, we’re talking about Sweden Switzerland.

Sedona, here’s hoping you make it to Splügen, soon.  

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Next up, Garrett Mahoney, who mixes the practical, the exotic, and the just plain weird.

As for the practical, he’s an accountant whose hobby is automotive repair/restoration. (Does he sound like a 1950s TV dad or what?) When it comes to the exotic, he likes sushi, and he dreams of traveling to Fiji, where he plans to listen to the Bee Gees and shop for Fijian squeegees. You want weird? He’s eaten horse meat, has broken the 50 MPH barrier on a skateboard (as an adult human man), and once aspired to be a studio musician. No, not a rock star...a studio musician.

Oh yeah, he’s been to Switzerland too. So, Garrett, maybe you and Sedona should talk travel over a Swiss Miss.

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Then there’s Raf Quinonez, who, when asked for the phonetic spelling of her name, wrote “Raf Quinonez.” (This reminds us of a joke about Al Gore: His Secret Service code name? Al Gore.)

Raf’s self-declared favorite food is “all.” Oh, then do you suppose she would eat, say, chocolate ants? Yes, she has eaten chocolate ants.

Says she can’t live without Chap-Stick and lotion, so she does just fine in our desert sun. But she’s got an inner Morrissey, too: loves rainy, gloomy days.

Finally, though Raf wanted to be an architect growing up, she ended up working in our Claims Department. Every time we see an ugly building, we feel grateful that she chose us.

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Our penultimate newbie, Susan Patterson, works in AT’s nurse triage program. Susan’s a real product of the heartland: born in Indiana, and partial to the movie, “Breaking Away” (which, film trivia geeks, was set in Bloomington). Still, the ocean calls to her...especially from faraway Scotland, which she longs to visit.

On that score, a few tips. First, hit the Islay distilleries. Their Scotches are like a delicious sip from a burning peat bog. Second, be prepared for the Loch Ness Museum to convince you that there’s no Nessie. Perversely, that will happen. Third, understand that when Scots say “aim,” that’s like Americans saying “um.” Finally, don’t stray too far from the mainland. You don’t want to get caught up in a Wicker Man situation.

So, you want to know how Susan got hired? Apart from her prodigious nursing talent, she told our HR guy, Tom Carr, that as a child, she dreamed of being a drummer. That’s all you have to say to Tom, and his big blue “Hired” stamp comes thudding down on your paperwork like a mallet on a skirt steak.

Very smart, Susan. You’ll fit in here nicely.

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Finally, there’s Callie Doiron. She’s helping our Claims Department achieve new levels of greatness. She’s got an interesting personal bio, too. First, she plays hockey. We could stop there, because that would be enough. But she’s also eaten octopus. (You know, octopus...intelligent, graceful, friendly to humans, able to squeeze through a hole the size of a nickel. She ate one of those.) When asked where she was born, she says, “1995.” Cryptic, right? Craziest thing she’s ever done: cliff jumping. (Into water, one hopes.) Finally, she says she’s inspired by anything from Lao Tzu. So, in her honor, here’s one of the great philosopher’s quotes: “Grape Nuts. No grapes, no nuts—what’s the deal?”

 Welcome, Callie.

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Topics: Insider